she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
