OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
