you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
