the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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