Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
