Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
