The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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