ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
