how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize