She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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