This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
