My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
