It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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