He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
