You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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