he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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