I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
