I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
