his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
