Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
