What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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