We won't sleep together?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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