That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
