i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
