you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My vagina is very pro this idea
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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