I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
