if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
