I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Found the puke drawer
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
