so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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