So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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