Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
