I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
