Clothes are such an inconvenience.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
