I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Be still, my beating vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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