i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
