she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
