shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
