Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
