in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
