what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
