dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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