**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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