Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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