I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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