why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
