Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
