There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
me + whiskey = a bad person
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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