i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
