I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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