I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
