K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
