i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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