the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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