worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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