Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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