oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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