i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
