i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
