Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
