A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
