the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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