yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
