does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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