Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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