how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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