Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
