just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
