I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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