I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
