if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
