How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
