oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
